I’m Really a Superstar

"What a twist!"

"Ahahahaha!"

"Someone come and help me! I'm laughing so hard that I'm about to fall over!"

"Zhang Ye, you are so naughty! You were waiting at the end!"

"Oh no, no! This is such a classic!"

"Where's the pen? I have to write it down! If you learn a little bit from Teacher Zhang, you will be called the invincible master in the world from now on!"

The scene was filled with laughter. This can be said to be the joke with the highest decibel level of laughter since the premiere of "Zhang Ye's Talk Show"!

Dong Shanshan covered her face and laughed!

Wang Bei laughed so hard that she stomped her high heels!

Aqian and Xiaoyu kept hammering their big legs!

The fourth sister and several cameramen were covering their mouths and laughing. They were closest to the audio reception. They didn't want to affect the live broadcast, so they could only hold it in. But the tears could be seen in the tears flowing from the corners of the eyes when they were laughing so hard that the cameramen were almost I fainted from laughing, and it even affected the shooting!

——What kind of JB thing is this?

We thought you would say that after getting to know Li Puyu, you would find that he is a good person! The result is this sentence! Hahaha! What do you think? You! This turn of events is so unexpected! Teacher Zhang Ye! Li Puyu will cry if you make such a fuss! I will really cry!

Some people don't like to hear it.

The black man frowned and said, "Why are you swearing!"

Zhang Ye blinked in confusion, "Scolding? Who cursed? I said 'gou coins', don't you know what JB means? Oh, you foreigners may not understand Chinese very well. In our country, JB means gold coins. , the pinyin abbreviation of -, what is a gold coin? It is a valuable item, very valuable and dazzling. I am praising Teacher Li Puyu for being dazzling. Where did I have the intention to curse? "

Black person##@@@!"

When the audience heard this, they were even more delighted, "Hahaha!"

Zhang Ye pointed to the black man, "If you don't believe me, ask everyone, what does JB mean?"

The audience from all the republics shouted in unison: "Of course it's gold coins! Hahaha!"

"Look, am I right?" Zhang Ye shrugged and said, "We are a high-end program, how come there are curse words in it."

Black people are almost crying, your sister! You really think I don’t understand Chinese!

The little old man and company leader in the audience looked at Feng Guiqin dumbfounded, "Your new column is quite big!"

Feng Guiqin was also amused and laughed for a long time. Now she took a breath and gasped: "It's okay. The scale of online TV can be larger, as long as there are no obvious illegal words."

Wang Xiong smiled and said: "I can see it. Teacher Zhang's column today is really fun! It won't be a whole issue of criticizing Koreans, right?"

Unfortunately, Wang Xiong really guessed it right!

…

The laughter lasted a bit long, about five or six seconds. When they finished laughing, Zhang Ye continued: "Speaking of Koreans, I have always envied them. Do you know why? Because the crosstalk actors in our country have grown up since they were young. We all have to memorize one thing - it's called the name of the dish. Many of us majoring in broadcasting were also required to memorize it in school. It's a good practice. There are a total of 108 dishes in it. As a republican, I feel extremely overwhelmed at this moment. pain,

It’s the Man-Han Banquet, I want to memorize it all. "

The audience immediately applauded!

"Let's have some!"

"Yes, come one!"

Dong Shanshan was startled. They had never memorized "Reporting the Name of the Dish" when they went to school. Some teachers suggested that everyone practice it, but they never made it mandatory.

Other colleagues didn't know if Zhang Ye could do it.

This world also has the cross talk program "Sign up for the Dish". Because it is too traditional and the history of the Manchu-Han Banquet has not changed, it naturally exists. Zhang Ye checked it out before.

Zhang Ye smiled and said, "Okay, I will just give you a short piece of Guankou. Well, I'll treat you to... steamed lamb, steamed bear paw, steamed deer tail, roasted flower duck..." Zhang Ye started to speak very seriously. Slowly, but the faster he spoke, the faster he spoke, and his words became more and more clear. There was almost no pause after that, "roasted chicken, roasted goose, braised chicken with salted duck sauce, bacon, pine flower belly, dried meat sausage, assorted soy sauce plate, smoked chicken and white tripe" Steamed eight-treasure pig, glutinous rice stuffed with duck, jars of pheasant, jars of quail, assorted braised seeds, goose, braised shrimps...wait, wait, wait!" This set has a solid foundation, and although there is nothing funny about it, it is very shocking. Yes, Zhang Ye's words are even more fluent than those of many domestic crosstalk actors!

"good!"

"well said!"

Everyone immediately applauded!

Wang Bei and other hosts also clapped and praised. To be fair, in terms of basic skills, they are not as good as Zhang Ye in broadcasting. No wonder he is so talkative. His basic skills are solid. From this look, he is not as good as usual. Just put in less effort and you’ll get it all!

In fact, this is all due to the memory search capsule. Zhang Ye has spent almost all the reputation points gained on the capsule these days. He has more and more things memorized in his mind, and his capital is increasing. To put it bluntly, Speaking is still a breeze, and even now he has no problem memorizing "Reporting the Name of the Dish" backwards, because he is different from other people's rote memorization, and his memory is directly extracted.

A brief interlude, Zhang Ye simply showed his hand, and continued to joke: "Are you tired after listening to it? I have to memorize 108 dishes, so I am particularly envious of my Korean colleagues. If I were them Okay, it's very easy to carry." He cleared his throat and said, "I'll treat you to...Kimchi Smecta, Kimchi Smecta, Kimchi Smecta, Kimchi Smecta...and Kimchi Smecta!"

"Hahaha!"

"Oh, that's so funny!"

"They only have kimchi!"

The audience burst into laughter again!

Zhang Ye picked it up as soon as he finished speaking, and said helplessly: "But later I found out that I was wrong. I met a Korean cross talk actor, and their menu of dishes was actually longer and more diverse than ours." Everyone looked at them in confusion, Zhang Ye said: "First of all, their first 108 dishes are exactly the same as ours!"

Wang Bei, who was taking a moment to take a sip of water, spurted the water out!

Ah Qian, who was sitting in front, had his shoes sprayed with water, but he didn't care, patting his legs and laughing!

Are the Chinese characters yours?

Is the text printing yours?

Is the Dragon Boat Festival also yours?

Zhang Ye's words that their 108 dishes are the same as ours vividly demonstrated the despicable image of the Korean nation in the eyes of the Chinese people!

"After carrying this pile, and finally the salted duck and tuber chicken, they have to add one more." Zhang Ye raised his hand and gestured, "From Changbai Mountain to the Bohai Bay, three thousand miles of rivers and mountains stretch for five thousand years. The original traditional food of the Republic of Korea ——Kimchi Smecta!”

"Ha ha ha ha!"

Bang bang bang!

Applause broke out amid bursts of laughter!

Zhang Ye had just finished one section when the next section came, "Actually, the names of food are different in each place. For example, wontons are called wontons in the north, and they are called 'Long Chaoshou' in Sichuan, right?" "Looking at the audience, "If you go to Korea, do you know what it will be called?"

"To Korea?"

"have no idea."

"What's it called?"

The audience asked curious questions.

Zhang Ye raised his hand, made the same gesture as before and exaggeratedly said: "From Changbai Mountain to the Bohai Bay, three thousand miles of rivers and mountains stretching for five thousand years. The original traditional delicacy of the Republic of Korea - Wonton Smecta!"

As soon as Zhang Ye said the words "from Changbai Mountain", the audience understood what he was going to say, and started laughing wildly from here!

"Ouch!"

"Ha ha ha ha!"

"Give me a break! I can't stop laughing!"

The audience leaned forward and backward one by one. Some of the laughter was so low that they squatted on the ground and laughed with their stomachs in their hands!

As a result, Zhang Ye was not prepared to give everyone a chance to rest. Looking at several viewers wiping away their tears, the next joke came again, "Speaking of Korean food, I actually want to spread some knowledge here. Seeing someone about to laugh, Zhang Ye waved his hand and said, "It's not a joke, it's really knowledge."

Everyone fell silent and listened.

Some blinked, some were curious.

Zhang Ye looked at everyone and said: "To be honest, I really can't understand why Koreans like to eat kimchi so much, although I also like to eat it, right? It tastes crisp, sour, sweet and spicy. Well, the most important thing is that it is cheap. It's such a thing, but they can't live without it. No matter what they eat, they will eat kimchi. Therefore, I advise everyone in front of the TV and present here to try not to eat kimchi if they can, because pickled foods are all Carcinogenic!”

Carcinogenic?

Indeed, this has a scientific basis!

The audience thought it was really a popularization of knowledge and listened attentively.

However, Zhang Ye said next: "Well, that's why when we were watching Korean dramas, two people just got together... and it won't be long before one of them gets a terminal illness!"

After saying this, the audience was stunned and started laughing!

Zhang Ye stared at the camera and pointed: "Do you think it's a bloody plot? No! It's kimchi!"

As soon as the last sentence "It's kimchi" came out, the whole audience burst into laughter!

Many people were laughing and shouting at the same time! Applause once again flooded the entire recording studio!

…

now.

Those watching the live broadcast on the Internet also laughed out loud!

"Teacher Zhang Ye is so awesome!"

"I always knew Teacher Zhang was awesome! But I didn't expect him to be so awesome!"

"Hahahaha! It feels so good! It feels so good to scold me! Zhang Ye is like a god helping me today!"

"It's so fun! I was originally here to scold the idiot fans. I don't even know Zhang Ye, so I'll go! Only today did I realize that I'm ignorant! Is there such a coquettish celebrity in China? There are also such good-looking, irritating and funny ones. Entertainment program? Zhang Ye! I am your fan now!"

"Oh, you are so funny!"

"Is this going to be a Korean show?"

"You're always scolding me from the beginning to the end? It's so cool!"

"I have never felt so happy as today!"

"Zhang Ye has such a mouth. He has no mother. Look, there were so many bad international students and idiot fans who came to scold me just now. Now they have all been scolded by Teacher Zhang Ye and run away!"

"Why does Teacher Zhang have so many things in his mind? Didn't he just have a conflict with that Li Puyu during the day? The live broadcast is in the evening, and there is no time to write a manuscript at the last minute. Why do these classic jokes come one after another as if they are free? ! Teacher Zhang Ye’s literary talent is truly amazing!”

Literary talent?

This actually requires bullshit literary talent!

A scolding joke? Zhang Ye can say that three days and three nights are not the same!

In Zhang Ye's world, whether it be cross talk or talk show, he has only done four things over the years.

One, scold the stick.

Second, scold Xiaori for being useless.

Third, scold Lao Mei.

Four...continue to curse!

(To be continued)【】. If you like this work, you are welcome to come to Chuangshi to vote for recommendations and monthly votes. Your support is my biggest motivation. )