I Broke Off My Engagement and Got a Job at the Academy

49 – The Direction of Goals

Watching Jizel leave my lab, I sat in the room, feeling the thick silence as I sipped my tea.

My mood was subtle. I knew it was subtle already, but even more so than I had thought.

I tried to shake off that feeling and opened a first-year textbook.

At that moment, the door to my lab opened.

What’s this? Did Jizel forget something? I glanced towards the door. It wasn’t Jizel who entered my lab but Professor Cordelia.

“…Professor.”

I looked at her. Professor Cordelia spoke.

“I heard.”

“What about?”

“You tutoring Jizel to become an expert.”

Upon hearing that, I took a sip of my tea and replied, “It’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“Why did you do it?”

My words seemed lacking, and Cordelia looked at me. Concern was evident in her eyes.

“Just, as you said, I didn’t see a reason for me to make that kid uncomfortable.”

“It was about making yourself comfortable, not necessarily about making yourself uncomfortable. It could have been assigned to another professor.”

…Right. Rather than making things uncomfortable under me, it might be better for that rascal Jizel to learn from a different professor.

I stayed silent for a moment before speaking again.

“…Trying to detach my emotions a bit. That’s why I accepted it. To look at it just as work, without any emotion. I don’t need to feel uncomfortable while looking at that kid. But… removing emotions is a bit hard. More than I thought.”

Professor Cordelia sat beside me, crossing her legs. I took another sip of tea.

“Change, shall I?”

I looked at Cordelia in surprise. Wasn’t she teasing me like this a few days ago?

“Those insignificant details don’t matter much anyway. You’re the most important to me. And, I want you to be comfortable, to move away from the past. If your discomfort becomes unbearable, I can make a change.”

I began pondering upon those words.

Would it be better to change things? No matter how much I look at that child, if I continue to feel this discomfort, what should I do?

Lost in such thoughts, I raised my head.

“…No, it’s fine.”

“…”

There’s no good in harboring such emotions towards that child. So, if it continues to feel this uncomfortable, maybe… I’ll talk about it later if it becomes difficult.

Professor Cordelia stared at me intently. Looking back at her, I spoke.

“…Of course, the feelings towards that child’s father are separate. The Duke of Irkalli is my enemy, seeking retribution from him is my rightful claim.”

Professor Cordelia nodded.

“Right.”

“Just… seeking retribution from that child’s father is my objective. That’s how it’s been decided. It’s separate from the child. So, whenever I see the child, I try to recall retribution.”

At that, Professor Cordelia gently took my hand. She closed her eyes and spoke.

“Yes, retribution is a good thing. But… don’t make it your ultimate goal. Retribution is just a midway goal, not the final aim.”

She paused for a moment, pondering something.

“…If revenge becomes the final goal, once you achieve it, you’ll feel empty, lost, wandering. It’s not that revenge is bad. If it gives you motivation and strength as your goal, it’s fine. But… revenge should only be a process, not the end result. Our lives continue even after revenge is achieved.”

I gazed at Professor Cordelia. After a brief hesitation, I spoke.

“How do you know that?”

In response, Professor Cordelia tightened her grip on my hand.

“…Because I’ve been there.”

I remained silent. I neither had anything to say nor the desire to say anything.

“So, the final goal should be something else. Understand?”

After revenge. Could there be something like that? It was hard to fathom.

From the start, the Duke of Irkalli’s lineage still stands strong. As just a mere academy professor, I might not be able to touch someone like that. Even if I could achieve revenge, what comes after that?

“…I’m not sure.”

I blurted out. Professor Cordelia continued to gaze at me.

Unable to endure the atmosphere any longer, I asked her, “Do you have any alcohol?”

Professor Cordelia laughed incredulously and replied, “Do I look like someone who seeks alcohol every day?”

“No, not at all.”

Smirking playfully at me, Professor Cordelia rummaged through the pocket at her waist, a pocket that seemed to defy spatial limitations.

“Here it is.”

In the professor’s hand, which emerged from the pocket, was a bottle of whiskey.

Glug, glug. The golden liquid flowed transparently down the crystal glass.

…

Giselle looked at me and said, “You look pale today.”

I raised an eyebrow, signaling a question.

“Whether in class today or now, you seem strangely pale.”

She noticed. I shrugged once and said, “Overindulged a bit.”

“Overindulged?”

Giselle looked at me with curiosity. I gestured towards her.

“Never mind that, keep practicing. Your spellcasting still shows rough edges. With that bracelet on, your performance should be indistinguishable from your usual self. Don’t let the spell hiccup before then.”

Upon hearing this, Giselle closed her eyes and began weaving the spell. Gradually, the pen grew larger. It was the ‘Enlarge’ spell, a mastery of the transformation school.

Certainly, Giselle’s progress was impressive. Despite the occasional discomfort she expressed, there was no denying the speed of her improvement.

However, that didn’t mean I was inclined to be lenient.

“Better than earlier, but your spellcasting is still not stable. Without a stable structure, it’s difficult to weave combinations, and the leakage of magic is severe. You need to make it more stable.”

Giselle silently followed my instructions. Her breathing became increasingly labored. It was a much better pace than yesterday, but the visible signs of her declining stamina were evident.

“Let’s check how much magic power you have left.”

I closed my eyes, fingers pressed against her wrist. About 20 percent remaining, give or take. She looked visibly fatigued, a clear sign of dwindling stamina.

After finishing my assessment, I spoke to Jiselle.

“Alright. Practice until your magic is completely depleted, just like yesterday.”

Jiselle nodded, pulling up her magic. Her trembling arm betrayed the strain of continuous spellcasting. I observed as she continued to draw on her magical reserves.

The sky had already darkened. Unlike yesterday when her magic was drained around this time, there was a definite improvement today.

As time passed once again, Jiselle released the staff, gasping for breath. It seemed her magic was depleted.

“D… done.”

Perhaps this second experience with magic depletion was better than the first, as Jiselle’s arms trembled but didn’t completely give in to exhaustion. I brewed tea and addressed her.

“Good. You’ve improved a lot. This should last for about a week. Let’s call it a day and head back to rest.”

Upon hearing my words, Jiselle looked at me and asked, “Can’t we do a bit more? After I recover my magic…”

I frowned. “No. Pushing your body like that is not advisable. Besides, if you stay here, should I allocate time only for you after classes?”

Jiselle lowered her head at my words.

“I… Can’t we do a bit more? I feel like I can get better if I try a bit harder. Please?”

“No. It’s not good to overexert yourself. And staying here longer won’t do any good. Your body needs rest and nourishment after magical discharge.”

Jiselle tried to say something more but closed her mouth. I placed the tea in front of her and said, “You drank yesterday. So, finish it quickly and go back. There’s no point in pushing yourself further.”

Jiselle bit her lip and cautiously lifted the teacup to start drinking.

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I averted my gaze from her, and after she finished the tea, she bowed her head and said, “Thank you.”

After saying that, Jiselle left my research room.

A few hours later, I noticed something strange.

“What is this?”

I searched the research room thoroughly, but she was nowhere to be found.

The bracelet I had crafted for training purposes for Jizel was nowhere to be found.

“Damn it.”

I grimaced. An ominous feeling crept in.

Straight from my lab, I began scouring for Jizel.

“Where is student Jizel Irikali?”

After stopping a passing student of the Magic Department and inquiring, I learned where Jizel’s dormitory was.

We’ll see about that. Once found, I won’t let it slide.