Academy’s PTSD Chaplain

37 – 37. Beast (2)

“I don’t like it.”

Sophia Besje, walking with me to the classroom, grumbled. Her protruding lips were striking.

“What are you talking about?”

“The hair. Father Superior’s hair.”

I casually ran my fingers through my hair. The usual black strands parted under my touch.

“Your hair, you say?”

“Yes. Why did you go back to the way it was?”

Apparently, she wasn’t pleased with my carefully styled hair returning to its natural state. However, there was nothing I could do about it.

“It takes too much effort.”

“Just sweep it back.”

“I’ll try that from tomorrow.”

Sophia Besje still seemed dissatisfied, but somehow I managed to convince her. I let out a shallow sigh.

Honestly, the inconvenience was the biggest issue. Why bother paying attention to my appearance until it was necessary for important occasions? I doubted the necessity of grooming my appearance just for lectures.

“By the way, Father Superior.”

Sophia Besje called me. I turned my gaze toward her.

“Why did you ask me to prepare this?”

Her finger pointed to a large object covered with thick cloth on my side, and similarly wrapped in cloth, a round something on my other side. I shrugged my shoulders.

“Haven’t you lifted the cloth?”

“Yes. Father Superior told me not to look.”

“Good.”

Sophia Besje still wore a perplexed expression. Meanwhile, we had arrived in front of the classroom.

“Let’s go in.”

We entered the classroom. The picture held against my side was securely clutched.

Precisely, it was 9:30 in the morning.

* * * * *

The students’ gaze converged on Professor Antonelli standing at the lectern. With his usual stern expression, he glanced around the classroom.

“Let’s begin our theology class.”

His words were as routine as ever.

The students were restless. Last Friday, an unexpected cancellation of Professor Antonelli’s class had left them with unasked questions, but those queries dissipated like foam in the wake of his subsequent speech.

“Today, let’s explore a slightly different field than usual.”

Slightly different than usual. What significance did these words hold for the students?

Professor Antonelli seemed oblivious to their curiosity.

The students, already equipped with their writing tools, stared at Antonelli with fervent eyes. Their glances, once warm upon entering the classroom, now carried more intensity.

Antonelli’s teachings. The growth they prompted.

As students who had always strived for excellence, the first-year class of Section A felt as if they had stumbled upon an unexpected treasure.

Antonelli’s hand moved slowly, unfolding the Bible placed on the lectern.

Pages turned softly.

Following the trail of his hand, the pages halted.

“Your Terea’s people did not succumb to temptation, nor were you saved by your righteous acts, but by the renewal of your spirits, following the Lord’s grace.”

Professor Antonelli closed the Bible with a loud thud. The students’ expressions, having heard the unexpected scripture, began to shift into faces suggesting a struggle to comprehend.

“Everyone, what is spirituality?”

Antonelli posed a theological query, prompting every student in the classroom to tilt their heads in contemplation.

Spirituality. What did it mean?

A word occasionally heard, especially when reading books, yet none among them truly understood its essence and significance.

A theology student raised a hand. Professor Antonelli gestured toward them.

“You may speak.”

“Yes, Professor. Spirituality signifies the fervor displayed by numerous devotees, longing for the arrival of the Lord’s love and the Father’s kingdom.”

Antonelli, upon hearing the response, stroked his chin and nodded slowly. Every student in the room regarded the responder with admiration and inquiry in their eyes.

“Truly, is this different from theology?”

“I hear it, but I can’t quite grasp it.”

The theology student, having finished their response, displayed a subtly proud smile. Yet, it was Antonelli who shattered that smile.

“Is that what defines spirituality? The love of the Lord or the internal fervor of those who pray to Him…”

“Yes. I believe that’s spirituality.”

“Student, what’s your name?”

“…It’s Luis, Professor.”

“Lewis, let me illustrate with a few examples.”

Professor Antonelli’s fingers unfolded slowly. The students’ gaze shifted toward him.

“The early morning sunlight in May, the refreshing scent of grass in a lively field, the wisdom of an elderly person at any age… Do you know what these have in common?”

Lewis’s lips twitched, hesitating to respond. The students eagerly watched, sensing the intriguing nature of the discussion.

“I-I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. It’s alright. You may take a seat.”

Lewis sat down, his demeanor different from the confident response he gave earlier. Professor Antonelli turned slowly back to the lectern.

“The commonality among the three examples I mentioned earlier is that they are all things whose meaning can be vaguely inferred, yet difficult to precisely define.”

The students nodded in understanding. The first-year class, now engrossed in the lecture, felt like they were part of an interesting quiz game.

“As Lewis said, these actions all fall under the category of spirituality. However, isn’t there something peculiar?”

All students, especially those studying theology, wore puzzled expressions. If these actions were considered spiritual, what was odd about it? Professor Antonelli continued.

“Consider attending Sunday worship. Each one of you in this classroom has set aside a precious part of your Sunday to gather in the academy auditorium.”

Vivid images of that scene filled the students’ minds. It seemed entirely plausible, given the similarity of the current classroom to the imagined auditorium.

“Some students pray, others seek repentance, and some merely gaze contemplatively with devout hearts.”

As the vivid images played in their minds, the students became increasingly immersed in Professor Antonelli’s lecture.

“Following Lewis’s logic, all these actions can be considered spiritual. Now, did anyone notice anything peculiar?”

A slender hand shot up from the middle row. Professor Antonelli pointed in that direction.

“Cloe.”

“Yes! It’s strange that the meaning of the word ‘spirituality’ becomes so broad and ambiguous!”

“Exactly.”

Cloe smiled broadly as she energetically took her seat. Professor Antonelli continued.

“Lewis’s point is not entirely wrong, of course. However, if that were the case, the meaning of the word ‘spirituality’ would become excessively ambiguous.”

Pausing for a moment, Professor Antonelli raised something from the lectern.

“Do you know what this is?”

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It was something round, shrouded in cloth. The students’ eyes began to reflect confusion.

A silence fell over the classroom. Professor Antonelli, posing a question to himself, provided the answer.

“This is bread.”

Upon hearing Professor Antonelli’s words, the students’ expressions twisted in slight bewilderment. Bread? What kind of bread was this?

As if sensing the perplexity in the students’ eyes, Professor Antonelli proceeded to explain the dilemma directly.

“The variety of bread is vast. Hard black bread, coarse-textured whole wheat bread, sweet rolls, and, if we widen our scope, cakes, cream bread, sandwich bread… The types are countless.”

Indeed, it was true. The word “bread” was too ambiguous a criterion to define that round object. The students nodded approvingly.

“Lewis’ answer is also like this.”

“Ah…!”

The students’ expressions brightened. After hearing Lewis’ response, Professor Antonelli’s statement that it was a vague explanation to define spirituality with such simple and ambiguous words became easily understandable.

“Spirituality cannot be defined by such simple and ambiguous terms. To define it, we need a more high-level term, not just a functional term that spans everyday life.”

The students again displayed expressions of difficulty in understanding. Professor Antonelli sighed lightly.

“Well… To understand spirituality, you shouldn’t try to interpret it through all the functional actions performed by humans. Do you understand?”

Now, there were reactions indicating some understanding. Although some still had expressions of not comprehending, at least the students had started to grasp the meaning, even if it was thin and faint. Professor Antonelli spoke again.

“Theology of spirituality. Originally, I thought about lecturing on that… Unfortunately, it seems there are no students who truly understand spirituality.”

The students’ expressions became a bit melancholic. They were usually treated as prodigies in their respective fields.

However, the approach Professor Antonelli took, which required them to delve into a more high-level and theological aspect, made his class feel difficult.

“Therefore, before studying theology of spirituality… we need to turn our attention to a different field for a moment.”

When Professor Antonelli gestured to Sophia beside him, Sophia, who had ascended to the podium, grabbed the edge of a large covered object.

At the same time, Professor Antonelli held the other side, and they laboriously lifted the object onto the blackboard. The square shape leaning against the blackboard looked like a frame of a painting.

Brushing off his hands, Professor Antonelli adjusted his glasses and said, “From today, we will study demonology.”

Demonology. A discipline that studies demons of hell, or researches about demons. It was an intriguing topic for the students, yet it also raised questions.

Demonology. Wasn’t that too out of place? The students couldn’t understand why they had to examine demonology before starting the study of spirituality. Professor Antonelli accurately captured the thoughts of the students and said, “Some students may be curious about the connection between studying theology of spirituality and studying demonology.”

The students unconsciously nodded their heads. There was not a single exception.

“I will help you understand the reason in a very short time.”

Professor Antonelli gestured to Sophia. Sophia, after nodding in response, proceeded to turn off all the lights in the classroom and draw the curtains over the windows.

“What, what is this? Suddenly?”

“A bit scary…”

“Was the classroom this dark?”

In the darkness-enveloped classroom, the only things the students could hear were the voices of their fellow students. Even that, due to the complete darkness around, couldn’t be distinguished as coming from anyone.

And so, as the classroom gradually descended into chaos.

“Ladies and gentlemen, do you see these demons?”

The words of Professor Antonelli echoed. The students slowly turned their rigid bodies to gaze into the darkness where the podium had last been seen.

Nothing was visible, so asking if demons could suddenly appear was a ridiculous question.

“Oh, demons?”

“Could it be that he has summoned demons?”

“Does that even make sense?”

“I’m scared….”

As no one was able to respond, Professor Antonelli asked the question again.

“Can you not see the horrifying appearance of these demons?”

“Oh, I can’t see them…!”

A cautious student in the lecture room shouted. And then, Professor Antonelli said,

“It’s only natural that you can’t see them. After all, it’s darkness that you can’t see, not light.”

Then, what about this?

Hwaaak—.

Along with Professor Antonelli’s words, a sudden light appeared from somewhere. The students’ gazes naturally turned towards it.

There, Sophia Bucher was holding a warm golden sphere in her hand. Next to her stood Professor Antonelli, who opened his mouth.

“Look at this place.”

Professor Antonelli’s finger pointed to a spot. At the end of it….

“Oh my….”

The picture that had been placed on the blackboard suddenly threw off the thick cloth and revealed its original form.

A bright red face. Eerily grown horns. Monsters with the heads of goats, dogs, lions… A large painting depicting all sorts of creatures.

It was a picture of demons. The dreadful picture that evoked hell was being shown along with the sphere of light in Sophia Bucher’s hand.

“Ladies and gentlemen.”

Facing the students who were looking at the frightening picture, Professor Antonelli asked the question once again.

“Now, can you see these demons?”

The students nodded their heads. Professor Antonelli continued speaking.

“If light doesn’t exist, there’s no way we can uncover these evil beings hidden in the darkness. In order to deal with these wicked beings, we need to understand and embrace light.”

“….!”

“However, this thing called light is incredibly ambiguous and involves complex thinking that goes beyond our capabilities.”

Sacred theology and demonology. Light and shadow. It was something that couldn’t be separated once it was delved into.

“So, we must, in turn, examine the darkness.”

Before delving into the study of spiritual theology, Professor Antonelli, who sought to explore demonology first…

It was only then that the students realized the true nature of it.