Academy’s PTSD Chaplain

33 – 33. Martyr’s Blood (10)

The division command post was silent. Helena and I held our breath, waiting for Lieutenant Mayhem to speak.

In his hands, Lieutenant Mayhem held a single piece of paper. It was an order that had come down from the higher-ups, transcribed by the communications officer.

Just a small piece of paper held the fate of our future, and it struck me suddenly as absurd. It had been six years since I joined this hellish war, and yet, the feeling of unease had not faded.

“…When will this war ever end?”

I murmured, and Helena nodded in agreement.

“Yes, that’s right. When will it end?”

“It might end within this year. Still, the overall situation doesn’t seem too bad.”

“It was the collapse of the dwarf’s spiderweb-like underground tunnels that made a significant impact. It greatly disrupted their forces.”

“…A cruel business.”

“Yes, it is a cruel business.”

We fell silent. The command post once again regained its quietude.

“…”

The eyes of Major Mayhem, descending to read the orders, began to tremble gradually. The way he tightly shut his end-of-the-line eyes was unsettling.

“Hoo….”

Major Mayhem let out a deep sigh. His face, now flushed, seemed ready to explode at any moment. Consequently, the expressions of the officers also darkened a bit.

“Imperial Army 101 Ground Defense Division orders, number 27-330.”

Major Mayhem opened his mouth heavily. The gaze of everyone inside the command post gathered on him as he spoke.

After taking a deep breath, he continued in a shaky voice.

“The enemy is expected to launch a large-scale assault on the Kallea Basin, where the enemy forces are located, within at least three days. The estimated scale includes roughly two dwarf infantry divisions and an elven patrol unit of one reserve battalion.”

“Our supplies and ammunition are on the edge, and now, of all times….”

“We might have to withdraw.”

The logistics staff officer and the operations staff officer chewed on their lips. The situation was not favorable. Major Mayhem’s words continued.

“The Kallea Basin is a key point that must be occupied first to secure the supply route to the Gelon Plateau, where the 13th Division is located. Therefore, the 858th Engineering Infantry Battalion under the command of Lieutenant Colonel Anton Mayhem is tasked with identifying the expected points of the enemy’s attack, then creating a more flexible and aggressive defense strategy to crush the enemy’s large-scale assault in advance.”

“Well….”

Crush the enemy’s large-scale assault in advance. This is….

“…In the end, it’s a call to hold out until the end.”

Against enemies that are several times more numerous than us.

Silence filled the division headquarters. Everyone looked at the communications officer with puzzled expressions, as if questioning the validity of the orders.

The communications officer slowly raised his head. It was an undeniable gesture of confirmation, with an almost unbearable meaning.

Major Mayhem, in a cold tone, continued to read the orders.

“We will carry out the operation in coordination with the 771st Artillery Battalion. However, if the enemy’s scale and assault are more formidable than expected, consider a phased withdrawal.”

“…”

“As long as there are those who can fight, keep fighting until victory. If necessary, I will send the entire division to support. Good luck to you all. Division Commander of the 101 Ground Defense Division, Lieutenant Colonel Maximilian von Adelheid.”

The orders shook slightly. Major Mayhem, without turning his head, handed the orders to the communications officer.

As if he found the sight distasteful.

“Everyone must have heard it well. We will defend this place no matter what it takes.”

The operations manager stepped forward. He tried to smile, but it was a forced expression, as if he had just heard an incredible joke.

“This is an unreasonable order. Did the division commander make a mistake? Quartermaster, how was the breakfast at the division headquarters today?”

“Rhetort soup, dried cranberries, and specially roasted venison were distributed.”

“Damn. The rations are fine.”

An uneasy conversation approached. I clenched my fist.

“This is an absurd order! How is it any different from ordering us to go out and die?”

“Our platoon’s ammunition is about to run out! Battalion commander!”

The commanders of the 1st and 3rd platoons strongly opposed and stepped forward. Their expressions were desperate, having suffered the most in the previous battles.

The supply officer stepped forward to calm them.

“Enough, everyone. This is insubordination.”

“Supply officer! Do you realize how unreasonable this is?”

“Even the Elven patrol is challenging, and now the Dwarves are swarming in! Are we not going to give the retreat order even after seeing this in a superior unit?”

“This damn situation! We are soldiers!!”

Colonel Mayhem intervened. It sounded like a roar, almost a howl.

The inside of the command post fell silent in an instant. The battalion commanders, who were about to speak up, turned to look at Colonel Mayhem.

“We are soldiers! When orders are given, following them is a soldier’s duty!”

“But, sir!”

“If we retreat, the lifeline of the 13th division will be cut! The hard-fought front line will collapse! You idiots!”

“If we are wiped out, the supply route becomes endangered! We don’t need to sacrifice ourselves unnecessarily!”

“Overflowing with excuses! We are soldiers!”

The battalion headquarters fell silent again. Colonel Mayhem’s words were more brutal than anything else.

“We are soldiers….”

The commanders of the 1st and 3rd platoons, their lips trembling, turned their heads abruptly. Hot tears washed away the dirt on their faces.

“And soldiers follow the orders of their superiors.”

“….”

“So, yes. We follow orders.”

“Damn….”

Colonel Mayhem had already steeled himself for this decision. Everyone in the command post tent, sensing his determination, closed their eyes.

The noble tears of those prepared for death cut through the dry floor of the command post. Inside the tent, I silently watched it, closing my eyes.

Because I couldn’t bear the heavy burden on Lieutenant Mayhem’s shoulders.

* * * * *

It was late at night.

Lieutenant Mayhem came to us, who were taking care of the wounded soldiers in the infirmary with the other priests.

“Everyone, I have something to tell you.”

In just one day, he looked like he had aged several years. His thick eyebrows and always strong eyes now drooped weakly.

“I have contacted the division headquarters. Please leave this place.”

I couldn’t tell whose decision it was. One thing was certain, no one wanted to stay here.

Two of the priests, excluding me and Helena, responded to his suggestion. They immediately left the infirmary to pack their belongings.

Even then, Helena didn’t move. She just stared straight at Lieutenant Mayhem with a determined expression. Deep down, I hoped she would leave this place like the other priests.

“Sister Helena. Sister Antonelli. Please leave with them and evacuate from this place.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Sister Helena. Our 858 Mechanized Infantry Battalion will disappear from the tactical map in about three days.”

“That’s why I can’t retreat even more.”

Helena raised her head with a resolute expression. I felt both frustrated and strangely emotional at the sight of her.

What is this? A certain feeling of admiration for her, where belief was tightly intertwined.

It was a kind of faith. Unconsciously, I was worshiping her noble choice.

With her green eyes containing her unwavering determination, Helena looked at Lieutenant Mayhem. After a moment of meeting her gaze, Lieutenant Mayhem weakly nodded his head.

“I understand the intention of the priests. Please let me know if you change your mind. Then, Sister Antonelli…”

“I…”

My mouth stuttered. I couldn’t speak. The silence grew longer.

“….”

I looked at Helena. In my heart, I wanted to forcefully take her and go to the division. But…

“…I will stay too. With Sister Helena.”

Because I knew I couldn’t possibly break her noble will.

I reluctantly nodded my head. And, I will probably regret this decision until I die.

If only I had chosen to withdraw as well.

At least, I wouldn’t have witnessed your death up close.

* * * * *

Thump! Thump thump!

Bullets rained down. Frantically, I lowered my head.

Around me were only soldiers groaning in pain, either dead or wounded. I hurriedly began healing them.

“Mom! Mommy!”

“Screaaam! My arm, my arm!!”

The condition of the wounded was gruesome. From soldiers gazing at distant mountains with unfocused eyes to those panicking, thinking their limbs had been severed.

I gasped for breath. I had used too much divine power. The world before me kept getting blurry.

“Helena! Where are you? Helena!”

“Over here!”

I sprinted towards the direction of Helena’s voice. Hearing her voice was more reassuring than anything else.

After treating the wounded, Helena was leaning against the trench wall, breathing heavily. I quickly took out a water flask and handed it to her. Her cracked and swollen lips took a grateful sip.

“Gulp… Phew… Thank you.”

“Helena! I told you not to overexert yourself!”

“Hehe… Sorry…”

Her face, pale with a tinge of blue, weakly smiled. That face, splattered with blood and covered in dirt, frustrated and resented me.

“Think about your own body! What if you die? What then!”

“Father Lucio.”

“Please… If you die, what will I…”

Helena continued to smile weakly. I bit my lip and squeezed her hand.

“Just rest for a bit. Okay? Please. I beg you.”

“Father Lucio, if we don’t move, what will happen to them…”

She pointed to the frightened soldiers. Speechless, I clenched my lips and turned my head away.

Boom!

A loud explosion once again shook the ground. I staggered, barely catching Helena as she fell.

Everything was blurry. Helena’s trembling body felt excessively hot. I shook her shoulders.

“Helena! Are you unharmed?! Helena!”

“Cough! Ye… I’m fine…”

“Damn it… Helena! Let’s go to the division headquarters! Rest there for a while!”

“Oh, I can’t…”

I rushed into the trench with Helena in my arms, constantly blocked by dirt and bullet casings pouring down in front of me.

“Rest here. Got it? Huh?!”

“…Yes. Father Lucio, be careful.”

“…Don’t worry.”

At least, I don’t plan to die with you.

Swallowing those words, I headed towards the headquarters of the battalion. The sky is pitch black. It seems determined to rain.

I quickly returned to the front. Worried about Helena, I set up a position not far from the battalion headquarters and treated the wounded soldiers.

“Tha… thank you, Father!”

From Noble mtl dot com

“Cough! If there are other wounded, bring them to me!”

The front is chaotic. I saw some soldiers from the 1st platoon trembling in fear.

“We’re going to die… we’re all going to die….”

That was when I was about to move my feet to recite prayers for them.

“Enemy artillery incoming!!”

Kwaang—!

* * * * *

“…Wake up! I don’t want to die…! Not yet…!”

I blinked my eyes dazedly. A constant ringing sound came from my ears.

Where am I now… and what was I doing?

…Tatatang! Tang! Kwaang!

“…Ugh!”

My mind cleared instantly. I furrowed my brow, pressing against the throbbing pain.

“Father Antolini! Can you hear me? Wake up! Hey!”

The one shaking my head was none other than Lieutenant Mayhem.

When I saw his face, I let out a sigh of relief knowing that he was still alive. Perhaps because I wasn’t far from the battalion headquarters, Lieutenant Mayhem seemed to have woken me up personally.

“I-I can hear you. I’m alright, sir. What happened… What happened?”

“The headquarters was shelled! Our position has been exposed! We need to evacuate!”

“What…?”

“Hey! You there! Escort Father Antolini and evacuate! Hurry! You shouldn’t be here!”

Someone started pulling me away, away from the collapsed battalion headquarters. I looked at that scene blankly and muttered.

“The headquarters… was shelled….”

“Priest! You must not speak! Perform hemostasis, at least!”

A soldier pulling me shouted. Suddenly, something pierced through my mind.

In the battalion headquarters, there was Helena.

“No, no…!”

“Priest! Don’t move! You’ll worsen your injuries! Priest!”

“No! Helena! Where are you! Answer me! Helena!”

I pushed away the soldier and rushed towards the collapsed headquarters.

The once-standing headquarters now lay in ruins, chillingly silent. The thick layer of dust made it eerily intimidating.

In that gap, if Helena is lying there…

“No… No…!”

I frantically searched through the debris. Dark red blood flowed heavily from my shoulder, but I was too engrossed in overturning the wreckage to feel the pain.

The soldier from moments ago forcibly pulled me. My right arm, which had lost its strength, fell away from the debris it had been holding.

“Observer! Enemy artillery?!”

“Magical wave detected! Enemy artillery emplacement ready! High-explosive shells currently loading!”

“Damn it! When is our artillery support coming! Communication officer!”

“Communication officer, deceased!”

“Damn it! There must be at least one communication soldier left! Deploy communication magic array immediately! Right now!”

Colonel Mayhem’s shout echoed in my ears. I looked at him with vacant eyes.

“Colonel Mayhem! By any chance, Helena…!”

“I-I’m here…!”

It might be an illusion. I might have misheard or lost my sanity.

Certainly, I heard Helena’s voice. I frantically looked around.

Where is she? Where is she? Where did I hear that from?

Kurung—!

“Smoke observation from the enemy position! Impact in 20 seconds—!”

The observer screamed, tossing aside his binoculars. In response, Colonel Mayhem shouted.

“Damn it, if you want to live, everyone get down!!”

“Impact in 10 seconds—!”

The observer jumped into the bunker hastily. I pushed away the soldier’s hand trying to pull me down and scanned the area outside the bunker.

And then, I saw.

Outside the bunker, she desperately cried out for the wounded, trying to somehow pull them inside.

“No, don’t…!”

“Sister! It’s dangerous! Get down!”

The soldier’s hand pulling me down feels cruel. I should help her, but I can’t. I screamed until my voice cracked.

“Helena! Just leave her and come in! Damn it! Get in here and get down right now! Helena—!”

“5 seconds until impact! 4… 3…!”

Enemy shelling was imminent. Helena was almost at the bunker.

And then, as if time began to slow down.

“Enemy shell incoming—!”

Shrapnel slowly falling from the sky. The devil of the battlefield, bringing death to many.

So, above her head. Behind her, trying to bring the wounded back to the bunker.

“Helena! No—!!”

The fragments of what killed you were embedded in my already wounded shoulder.

Deeply, unimaginably.

You left, giving me wounds until the end.

Thud.

And.