A Book Dedicated to Our Youth

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Every year in September, the freshmen just start school, will hold a student conference, the program is the principal's speech, announced the beginning of the new school year, and then the third grade graduation class will have a student representative to speak on behalf of the year-round students, and work hard to meet the middle school entrance examination; There will be a student who will speak as a freshman representative in front of the whole school, and finally the award ceremony of the three best students and outstanding class cadres last semester. Regardless of which student is involved, as long as he is on stage, it represents a good student, which is a great honor, so it is impossible for someone who has never done well.

In that year, the director of teaching gave the glorious task of selecting a freshman ’s speech to Teacher Zeng, but Teacher Zeng did not take it seriously at all. She was in the early self-study of the Chinese class, and she looked at the girls who were pleasing to read. The text, and then I picked up without looking up.

At that time, I seriously suspected that the teacher's head was caught in the door. After class, I went to find her. She was smoking with her legs crossed.

I said, "Teacher Zeng, I can't speak as a freshman representative."

She asked me, "Why don't you?"

I said, "Because I don't study well."

She breathed a cigarette and asked the male teacher opposite who was smoking with her: "Does the school have a first grade to speak on behalf of freshmen?"

The male teacher smiled and said, "No."

Teacher Zeng shrugged his shoulders and said to me: "Have you heard? There is no such rule."

I have the urge to roll my eyes and patiently say, "I've never spoken before people."

She said: "Everyone has this for the first time, this is not just right, let you start your first time." After finishing speaking, he blew me away impatiently, "It's you! There is an insidious time to write back the manuscript, Do n’t disturb our lesson preparation. "

I really rolled my eyes, preparing for the lesson? Smoke!

There is no way to meet such a teacher whose head has been clipped by the door. I can only go back and write the manuscript. After the manuscript was written, Mr. Zeng glanced at it and changed a few typos to say yes. After seeing my hard face, she finally opened her mouth again: "Don't be nervous, it's no big deal. You stand on the stage and face Just smirk from the audience. It will be finished when the laugh is tired. "

My mouth twitched and laughed, I laughed!

At that time, our junior high school from the first day to the third day, each grade was eight classes, more than forty people in each class. In the large lecture hall, facing the thousands of people under the black pressure, plus the spotlights above my head, I felt that my calves were shaking.

At the beginning, I still remember what Teacher Zeng said, just smile at them. Later, my head was getting lower and lower, almost so low that I got into my clothes, and my mind was so confused that I didn't know what I was talking about.

This speech, I was very, very, extremely shameful, because I heard that everyone can hear my trembling voice, every trembling, jumping a few words, the voice just got louder, and suddenly lowered, the middle only Seeing my lips move, I can't hear what I'm talking about.

However, I did n’t know these things until a long time ago. At that time, I did n’t know anything about it. Although I was on the stage, my legs and calves were swinging, but after I got off the stage, I was quite proud of myself. The first time I spoke in front of so many people, there was a feeling that I was quite personal. Teacher Zeng also smiled and said it was good. With her affirmation, I was even more self-confident. At that time, I also thought about Zhang Jun and Guan He seeing me talking under the stage, I do n’t know what the mood is, only me Looking at their share, now it is their turn to look at me. The more I pondered the more I was proud, the vanity burst out very much. If I knew I was so embarrassing at that time, I must have hit Zeng Hong with both heads, and both lives were better than such embarrassing.

After speaking on behalf of the freshmen, all the students felt that Teacher Zeng liked me, and Teacher Zeng ’s status in the junior high school was quite special because of her stubborn character and relatives of XX leaders. Our language teaching and research team leader gave her three points, so With her attention, I am also a popular figure in the class.

I met three girls. One is Li Xin, who is the most beautiful in our class, and has good academic performance. One is not only beautiful, but also the best among the girls in our class. He is also good at singing and dancing, called Lin Lan; the other Girls have poor academic performance, but they are rich at home, called Ni Qing. As soon as we look at our combination, we can guess that the four of us are the most popular girls in the class.

At that time, I went through the isolated elementary school age and desperately wanted friends. In fact, my personality and the three of them were not in harmony, but I hid my true thoughts and mingled with them. I accompanied them to comment on other girls and discuss which boys are cooler and dominate the public opinion in the class. It can be said that the boys in the class helped us, and the girls did not dare to offend us.

American youth television stations are very popular in a campus movie, which is based on this so-called populargirl story. I often watch it with relish. My friends laughed at me about how I saw such a superficial film. She did n’t know that I came out of these beautiful arrogance and tricks. I saw my once superficial and arrogant youth in girls who are more dressed than boys.

Jubaopen chose a somewhat fat girl to be the class monitor. She did not have a good academic record as Lin Lan, but she had a stable personality and was very responsible. She was a class monitor in elementary school. But Lin Lan was obviously not convinced, so she always looked for opportunities to suppress her.

For example, when the female squad leader wore a pair of purple pants and a pink jacket, Lin Lan would laugh and said to us, "Red with purple race shit!"

For example, when the female squad leader wears horizontal stripes, Lin Lan will sneer and say, "Zebra can wear horizontal stripes because people are thin. When do elephants dare to wear horizontal stripes? Do you think you are too big to be conspicuous?"

In terms of dressing up, the three of them are professionals. I do n’t know anything, but I will laugh with them.

The female squad leader was initially tolerant, and was finally irritated by Lin Lan, using the authority of the squad leader to try to fight back, but she was one of us against the four, plus the boys in the class who liked Lin Lan and Li Xin, she counterattacked to insult end. The girls in the whole class are isolating her, they all feel that she is fat, stupid and ugly, ashamed to play with her.

She gradually fell silent and ignored the four of us. No matter if we were talking in self-study classes or passing small notes during class, she did not see them. Li Xin and Ni Qing were even more arrogant, but I saw something that I once knew in the female class leader's silent and sad eyes.

I do n’t know what ’s going on. From the six-year-old girl to the sixty-year-old lady in the city, they all started to wear bodybuilding pants. The girls on campus are no exception. Everyone wears bodybuilding pants. The mother of the female monitor is also the daughter Bought this kind of pants.

Everyone wears it, there was nothing originally, but Li Xin ridiculed the female squad leader: "The legs as thick as elephants even learn to wear bodybuilding pants, and do not look in the mirror by themselves."

In everyone's laughter, I seemed to see something shining in the eyes of the female squad leader's drooping quickly. In an instant, I suddenly felt that the ugly one was not the female monitor, but us. Li Xin still wanted to ridicule, I said: "She has given in, not to chase it down, to leave people three points, but also to give yourself a point of retreat."

Li Xin was dissatisfied with me, but Lin Lan took a deep look at me and said to Li Xin: "She will not provoke us in the future, so we will not rectify her."

The fight with the female class leader ended with our big victory. The girls in the class were awe and pleased.

Although we are children, the way of thinking and fighting may not be as cruel as the adult world, but the cruelty of the result is no less than the adult world. I believe that the female class leader was originally a confident and happy child. Maybe when she was a child, the parents and teachers praised her for being serious and steady, but because of the four of our ruthless blows and mockery, the students ’coaxing made her gradually feel inferior, maybe she wears clothes every day. When looking in the mirror, there is a sense of fear. I do n’t know what the classmates would say about her today. She will have a sense of inferiority and shame on her body. Because of inferiority, she began to have no confidence in anything she did, and began to fear. This kind of soul damage is so cruel that it will completely change a person's life trajectory, or even destroy a person, even if it is light, it will leave a bad time to look back on.

When I knew how to be ashamed of myself, the female squad leader had disappeared into the long river of time. I can no longer say sorry, but only turned into guilt in my memory that will never disappear.

It seems that there will always be a core person in every girl ’s circle. Although we have n’t said it clearly in this circle, everyone knows clearly that beautiful, smart, strong, and excellent Lin Lin is the core. Both Li Xin and Ni Qing Listening to her, Li Xin was even obedient to the extent that she wanted to please Lin Lan. She seemed afraid that Lin Lan would not take her with her.

I still do n’t understand why this is so. It is clearly an independent individual, and there is no interest relationship between the upper and lower levels of the adult society. Why is there such a strong and weak relationship between children in their tens?

But this is the case among girls. Although they are dressed differently, they repeat similar stories from generation to generation regardless of China and foreign countries.

Ni Qing does not look good, has poor academic performance, but is rich. He often invites us to eat ice cream, drink cold drinks or something. Li Xin may think that she is stupid, but she looks good to her, and I can give Li Xin Very few, so I became Li Xin's "imaginary enemy", she always wants to push me out of this small circle, but Lin Lan has always been kind to me, so she has no choice but to treat Lin Lan better, hope Lin Lan Can alienate me.

At first there were female monitors, and our internal struggles could only exist subtly, and everyone pretended to have nothing.

Without the female squad leader ’s external fight, our internal fight gradually escalated. Li Xin did n’t know how to unite Ni Qing. The two people were more and more squeezed out of me. People, so I can only treat them as ridicules who do not understand them. Lin Lan sees everything in her eyes, but she overlooks the three of us from the top, as if she didn't notice anything. Only Li Xin and Ni Qing have done too much. She will help me to maintain balance.

The four of us are very good friends in the eyes of outsiders. We upload small notes in class, play together during class activities, even waiting for me in the toilet, I am waiting for you, listening to the most popular songs together, and The most handsome boy in the class is making trouble. One person is bullied. The four people fight back together. Many girls envy our small circle and are eager to play with us. But only ourselves know what is hidden in the seemingly gorgeous friendship.

I have carefully and painstakingly maintained my "friendship". With them, I am very tired, but without them, I will be lonely.

I have been hoping that junior high school life is very different from elementary school, and I did. I am now considered to be the most striking and powerful girl in the class. The language teacher likes me and the female students please me, but I do n’t feel so happy.

The first place in our class is a male student named Chen Songqing, and I have only two years with my classmates, but I still remember him until now, just because he said a few words to me.

On one occasion, a boy with a birthmark on his face wrote a love letter to Li Xin. After reading it with a smile, she handed it to Lin Lan. Lin Lan read it aloud while reading it, and the whole class The classmates laughed together, the boy's face turned from red to white, from white to red, and his head was already low enough to be put on the table.

When I saw him, I laughed with everyone on the surface, but I felt dazed and sad in my heart. Is this the result of not being able to limit myself to like someone? !

Chen Songqing suddenly asked me: "Do you think this is really funny?"

I was stunned. He had been sitting behind me, but we hardly ever spoke. I only knew that he studied very well.

He asked me again: "Do you think you are with Lin Lan and Li Xin, all day long teasing and laughing at others, highlighting your own superiority, is it very interesting? Does a person's excellence need to be established by stepping on the dignity of others? Don't you Do n’t you think you are naive and superficial? "

I ca n’t answer. He said, “Use your cleverness and energy for meaningful things.” After he finished, he lowered his head to read, as if nothing had happened just now.

Lin Lan is still reading love letters aloud, and the whole class is still laughing, but he only concentrates on reading his textbooks and silently recites English words.

Until the bell of the self-study class sounded, his words still lingered in my mind. When I went to self-study, I suddenly turned back and asked him: "What is more meaningful?"

He said: "If you don't know the answer, go to the school library."

Does our school have a library? It seems that I'm so ignorant.

The second day of class activities, I did not play with Lin Lan for the first time, I went to the library. According to the introduction, our school ’s library is the best middle school library in the province. It has first-class hardware, spacious and bright, comfortable tables and chairs, but only a few students. Chen Songqing is reading in a corner. I did n’t disturb him. I walked in the library by myself, looking up at the rows of tall bookshelves, dense books, what is called the book sea, my first experience, I did n’t read, nor did I Borrowing books, just walked through the library and left.

Maybe I was tired of coping with Li Xin's exclusion, maybe I understood that this wasn't what I wanted, maybe Chen Songqing's few words, I began to alienate Lin Lin and they often go to books during class activities I read books in the library, but for a while, I still ca n’t give up on them completely. My heart is not strong enough to cope with loneliness. My vanity makes me hungry for the scenery when I am with them. So, during class activities , I sometimes still play with them.

Li Xin likes to tell us which boy is chasing her, and shows us the love letter he wrote to her. Lin Lan had a contempt in his eyes, but he was very enthusiastic and induced Li Xin to speak more.

I do n’t know what kind of mentality girls are in junior high school, maybe it ’s their instinct to look up authority and power. They do n’t like boys in the same grade, they prefer boys in the upper grades. When I gave her a love letter, I always dismissed it, and I preferred to say which senior boy asked someone to spread the word, and wanted to invite her out to eat shaved ice and ask her to go to K song.

On that day, while the four of us were eating ice cream and chatting with boys in a pavilion in a small garden, a boy in white trousers and white trousers came in from a round arch on a bicycle, and Li Xin was silent immediately.

The boy parked his bicycle and greeted his classmates all the way and walked into the building. The boy is tall, with dark hair and slightly curled eyes, a slightly deeper eye socket, a straight nose, and a pair of gold-tinted glasses with a bright smile.

If I were to describe it in a few words, I would immediately think of "Prince Charming" in the girl comics. I know it's ridiculous, but this was really my first impression at the time.

The three of them stared at others, and I couldn't help but ask, "Who?"

Li Xin stared at me fiercely, dissatisfied that I didn't know the other party, and immediately explained with pride: "Shen Yuanzhe, my elementary school classmates, we have a good relationship." Her attitude changed and she usually looked down on the boys in her class. There is a feeling of almost admiration in the tone.

Ni Qing said with a smile: "It is now the squad leader of junior (6) class. I heard that at least half of the girls in (6) class like him."

Li Xin didn't say anything and seemed very unhappy.

Lin Lan laughed and blinked at me, teasing Li Xin: "You don't like people?"

Li Xin said unhappy: "No! I just have a better relationship with his sister."

Ni Qing immediately asked with concern: "I heard that (2) Class Shen Yuansi is his sister. How did he read a grade with his sister? Are they twins?"

Li Xin shook his head: "No, Shen Yuanzhe is two years older than Shen Yuansi."

"Ah? Two years old? Did he stay in grade?"

Li Xin seemed to be afraid that others would look down on Shen Yuanzhe, and immediately said, "No! He has been with his sister since the first grade, and their academic performance is very good. It seems that he was sick when he was a child, and he did a lot of major operations. Just went to school, so it was a little later than us. "

No wonder this boy looks very different from other boys, it turns out that we are so many years older. They didn't hear anything later, because I saw Zhang Jun.

Zhang Jun and the third-grade junior lace talked and walked to the pond. The girl sat down and Zhang Jun stood in front of her. Both of them smiled happily, Zhang Jun showed the age-old maturity, and stood with the junior third girl, didn't think he was small, the girl hit him with hands with half a smile, or with his elbow. , Zhang Jun kept smiling with a smile on his lips, their limb movements revealed ambiguous.

Ni Qing whispered: "Zhang Jun!" The three of them stopped talking and even looked at me together. At this time, I realized later that Zhang Jun was a celebrity of our grade.

The boy grew up as if it was an instant. Not long ago, he was wearing a hedgehog head, tall and thin, with long hands and feet, showing funny, and in an instant, he became a slender and outstanding.

He is actually the one in my eyes, but from the eyes of Lin Lan and the three of them, I understand that Zhang Jun in the eyes of girls today is no longer him in elementary school.

Ni Qing sighed: "Unfortunately, I heard that he doesn't like little girls and only plays with girls outside the school."

Lin Lan asked: "Luo Qiqi, did you graduate from the fourth primary school? Isn't Zhang Jun also the fourth primary school?"

I immediately said, "We are not familiar with each other and have not spoken."

Li Xin and Ni Qing both copied this expression, so they opened their mouths and said, "Luo Qiqi looks like this. How do you deserve to talk to Zhang Jun?"

I do n’t know what kind of psychology it was when I saw them. He even said: “He has spent grades in elementary school and is still outside. He likes to smoke and fight.”

I thought Lin Lan's eyes would change immediately, but I never expected them to become more enthusiastic: "Ah? What else do you know? Does he have a girlfriend? What kind of girl does he like?"

I was frightened by this unexpected result and stared at them dumbfounded.