Dawei Fanghua

The entire Zhengdong General Mansion was very lively and busy, as if it was the Chinese New Year.Especially in the pavilion, it was extremely noisy. In addition to the noisy drums, strings and human voices, bursts of wild laughter could be heard from time to time.

"Hahaha..." The laughter seemed to be echoing in my ears.

Wang Cen was very happy when his grandfather and father returned safely a few days ago.But she was not used to the scene in the mansion today.She has not liked to talk or be lively since she was a child. In the past two years, she has become more easily irritable because of her bad mood.

The feeling of irritability cannot be expressed.It's like there's something dirty on my body that I can't clean off no matter what I do.

Next to the dressing table was a celadon basin with cold water in it.Wang Cen walked over alone, dragging her long skirt, and started washing her hands again. At first, she carefully washed her nails and between her fingers, but gradually she became a little upset and just rubbed her hands in the water.

She kept rubbing, even she felt disgusted that she was very sick, but she couldn't control it.

Her clothes had to be changed every day, and she even heard the maid complaining behind her back.She was always spotless, but she still felt unclean.She couldn't get rid of that cleanliness habit, which had been tormenting her in recent years.The strange thing is that she doesn't feel dirty elsewhere or on other people's bodies. She just can't stand even a little bit of dust on her body, especially her hands.

While she was upset, she remembered what her father told her when she was a child.A woman was helped up, her hand was touched, and her arm was cut off. The blood in the room could not be wiped away.

In fact, her parents told her many similar stories and principles when she was a child, asking her to pay attention to the family tradition and reputation. She has understood this since she was a child.But somehow, out of all the things her father had told her, she remembered the one about the woman who cut off her arm the most.

...After a while, Wang Cen remembered the letters that his father had burned not long ago.At first she did feel inexplicably relaxed, as if she had put down a big stone, but that sense of relief soon disappeared.

My father could burn the letters written by Wen, but what about the letters written by Wang Cen himself?

The Wang family and the Wen family are both clans from Qi County, Taiyuan County. There is a custom in their hometown that the belongings of the deceased should be divided among family members and relatives. The more personal things are, the better and the more they can protect the future of the relatives. Sometimes relatives die in order to fight for it. Brothers can quarrel with each other's personal belongings.

Maybe her letter has spread throughout her hometown, and she doesn't know when the rumor will spread to the whole world.After all, the Wang family in Taiyuan is a very famous noble family, and people like to talk about celebrities.Wang Cen occasionally has nightmares in which many people call her a whore.She was just scolded, but what she feared most was that the Wang family's reputation would be tarnished, especially her father, who cherished the family's reputation very much.

It is still unknown who read those letters.At least one of Wen's cousins ​​knew.

Just before Wang Cen went south with her father, she also received a letter from the Wen family's cousin sent by Zhuang Ke.

The cousin of the Wen family was very polite in his letter.The general idea is that the deceased has passed away, so the girl should not be overly sad. If you really want to do something for Wen Lang, you should take care of Wen Lang's parents and show some filial piety for him. The two parents only have an only son.

The words were very tender, but Wang Cen understood that this should be some kind of threat.As a teenage girl, she couldn't go back to her hometown to take care of her two elders, so she had to give the banker some money to take back.

...Looking back on these years, Wang Cen often feels like he is living in a dream.It's boring to think about it. I spent the youngest years of my life and did something that ruined my reputation. This world is indeed full of dust.

But the one she wanted to blame the most was herself.

At first, Wen wrote a letter to contact her, which was quite satisfactory and there was nothing inappropriate about it.She just felt that it was refreshing to be able to correspond with her mentor who was so far away, so she didn't pay much attention to it and replied to the letter.Moreover, when she was a child, she respected her mentor very much. She thought he had beautiful handwriting and was good at swordsmanship. He was really an amazing person.

Later, when she was about twelve or thirteen years old, the content of what he wrote began to change.

She naturally understands that those words are becoming more and more offensive, and she has understood them since she was a child.But he always found a way to hold her up between the lines, saying that she was as good as a fairy, more noble than a princess, and that he would do anything for her.She really thought too simply at the time, and was even a little dizzy, coveting the feeling of being superior.

He has always been the only one writing those things. Of course Wang Cen is embarrassed to write explicit words, and she has very few letters.But as long as she responded once, he would be encouraged and would definitely send several letters to Luoyang one after another.

Of course, Wang Cen never agreed to his demands. Perhaps, if he had really agreed, he would not have written so many letters.People in the world are always obsessed with things that don't come true.

Wang Cen pretended not to know anything about dancing swords together, admiring the moon together, not marrying her unless she was the one she wanted. She was only happy with the words that made her a fairy and made her superior.

What's more, she never thought she could choose to refuse. At that time, she seemed to be subconsciously afraid of offending him and letting her father know about the incident.What I thought when I was twelve or thirteen years old was really a bit stupid.

Because it was a reply to his letter, it was inevitable that Wang Cen's letter contained some words that violated etiquette.Some topics are not something that an innocent girl who has not left the government should mention.What's more, she really didn't know much at that time and didn't pay attention to the words of the letter at all.

That's why Wang Cen never dared to destroy his letters. If something happened, and Wen's letters were used as evidence for comparison, then people might be able to understand that she is not that kind of person, and maybe her crime could be lighter?But who in the world cares about those complicated comparisons and those who spread rumors, who are here to uphold justice?Wang Cen's only hope is that her family can pass the evidence and believe the truth, hoping that they can forgive her a little.

Maybe she still thinks too simply.

... In the past two or three years, as she grew older, her thoughts gradually changed and she began to truly understand fear.Worry and trouble gradually replaced the self-righteousness before.During the following period, she remembered that she had only replied to two letters.

Wen was ill and could not be cured for a long time.He wrote a lot of words about loneliness, fear, and unwillingness, and several of them asked Wang Cen not to die for his love, but to let him face this alone.

Wang Cen once wondered if she had been cursed and had written some kind of suicide letter in a daze, because she didn't mention that at all and didn't even think about it.

She was alive and well and was only a teenager, so why did she want to die?Moreover, Wang Cen did not expect that he would really die at that time. She thought he was just overly worried.

Wang Cen's Aye is over 60 years old, can't he still be an official?Wen was still so young, how could he die so easily?
So Wang Cen didn't want to break out and write anything bad, so he wrote two letters before and after.Basically, he comforted Wen Lang, asked him to think broadly, and advised him that he was not so lonely and there were still people in the world who cared about him.

Such a letter can be misunderstood if you don't look at what he has written.In fact, Wang Cen felt that his parents must care about him.

In the end he was really dead!
Then Wang Cen remembered the custom in his hometown.From that moment on, she was constantly worried that her letters would be read.Not only was she worried, she was very sad, sad, and felt like she was finished.

Wang Cen felt a little better when the cousin of the Wen family sent a letter and said he would show his filial piety.Sometimes, not knowing whether the sword on your head will fall off is even more uncomfortable than if it actually falls off!

... As time passed slowly, Wang Cen had more and more thoughts.Maybe people who don’t like to talk much have more ideas.

Wang Cen first realized that Wen's repeated mention of sacrificing his life for love was actually like a drowning man trying desperately to grab a straw. He was indeed afraid of facing it alone.He wanted to keep something, and he wanted to possess something before he died.At that time, people feel really crazy.

Later, she thought that she had just turned ten when she received his first letter; she was only a few years old when she was in her hometown, and she came to Luoyang when she was about eight or nine years old.She began to guess that when she was a girl, he might have had some evil thoughts early on?Maybe it's because of her origins?
Although there are some powerful people in this world who raise girls and have evil thoughts towards girls, it is not uncommon.But Wang Cen instinctively felt disgusted and resentful of such a deformed practice.

However, even if she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. He was already dead, so what else could she do?He has taken away all the complicated emotions and brought them into the gloomy, unknown, and awe-inspiring tomb, leaving only those letters.

There is always an elusive fear in dealing with the dead.

...Wang Cen has never dared to tell her father about these things. She originally brought them upon herself.And she knew her father very well. He would definitely misunderstand, would definitely not be able to listen to her explanation calmly, would think too much, and would think things completely away from the truth.

Wang Cen is already very irritable, and he will have to deal with his father when the time comes.My father is also a person who cares very much about his family's reputation. He will definitely be extremely angry and difficult to appease.

The result was as she expected.

My father eventually discovered the letters and kept blaming her. He even burned the letters in a rage, and the evidence was gone.Moreover, my father didn’t believe what she said at all, and it was useless no matter what she said. Now that he had no evidence, he couldn’t argue with her.

My father always thought that he felt sorry for Wang Cen, but Wang Cen felt suffocated. It might be wrong and unfilial to think this way, but she couldn't deceive her feelings.

In her father's eyes, she must have been unclean.

Wang Cen himself felt that he was really unclean!If those scandals spread, what will her future husband think of her and treat her if she finds out?He would say so many unpleasant things, and he might even bring humiliation to the Wang family!

She wanted to chop off her "arm" to make herself clean again.But it was no use, she couldn't find where the arm was.

But she didn't want to die. Wen Lang was not the only one who was afraid of death. She was also afraid of the grave.

Maybe my father had a misunderstanding, but it was not a misunderstanding.Wang Cen feels that it is good to become a monk and not marry.Cut off the troubles of the world and become pure.But that is impossible. How can a member of the Wang family become a monk?